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flybycontact2024-10-19 09:01 pm
mikogalatea) wrote in flybycontact2024-10-19 09:01 pm
"A Tear for Lost Childhood" - Revolutionary Girl Utena, Utena-centric
This was written for Angstober 2024 using prompt 19, "Tear-Stained Cheek".
Title: A Tear for Lost Childhood
Fandom: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Characters: Utena, Akio
Rating: R (references to underage rape, angst, trauma, Akio being his own warning, episode 33 being its own warning)
Summary: Utena is woken up in the car on the journey back. Set at the end of episode 33.
-
Utena is woken up from her dreamless sleep in the car by a brush against her cheek.
Her eyes open almost involuntarily; she still feels exhausted. With heavy eyelids, she turns her face a little towards the direction she's been touched from, and sees Akio looking at her in the driver's seat.
Of course he's there.
He says something about the stars being beautiful tonight. Utena doesn't answer him, and she isn't sure if they're particularly beautiful tonight or not. She can't think too clearly right now. She doesn't want to think right now.
Raising a hand to hold back her windswept hair -- a semi-conscious gesture -- she blankly looks out her side of the car towards what horizon she can see in the pitch darkness of the night. The lights of Cosmo World twinkle in the distance -- like colourful stars, Utena vaguely supposes -- and the ferris wheel continues to slowly spin. It seemed so high when she'd been riding in it just hours ago, but now it already looks so much smaller, and it's gradually becoming smaller still.
I didn't expect that to happen. All I came for today was to deliver roses. What should have been a simple errand had become a date at the amusement park, then a stay at the hotel not too far from there, then-
She remembers Akio on top of her. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. She cuts her thoughts off there.
Her free hand tenses its grip on the purse on her lap, and an involuntary shiver runs through her as she presses her thighs together. She feels cold all of a sudden. She doesn't recall what was going through her mind when she picked out this dress for today, and she doesn't especially want to do so, either. It's not the sort of outfit she normally likes to wear at all, nor is it even like her at all, and it's much too short and light for the current conditions now that it isn't summer anymore.
She takes her hand away from her hair, and happens to brush it against her cheek -- the same cheek Akio touched a moment ago -- as she moves it to rest on her lap. It feels damp.
Was I crying in my sleep?
Utena can't even muster the energy to be confused. She knows it can't have been from a sad dream, because she hadn't been dreaming earlier. She instead supposes she must have been mourning something. Her parents? No, that's usually when she dreams of them. If not them, then-
She remembers Akio on top of her. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. She cuts her thoughts off there.
She's not looking at him now, but she feels him looking at her, as if he's watching her more than he's watching the road while driving. She shivers again. She really does feel cold in this dress.
The ferris wheel continues to get smaller and smaller in the distance. Utena doesn't think she'll ever go to Cosmo World again.
The lights of that wonderland blur for a moment, and she feels a tear -- another tear -- slide down her cheek. She feels vaguely as if she's leaving something behind that she can never have back again.
Utena is still tired, yet somehow she doesn't feel able to fall back asleep. Instead she sits silently in the passenger seat, not looking at anything in particular and not thinking about anything in particular. She's realised now that thinking too much -- thinking at all, it seems -- makes her remember things she'd rather not; keeping her mind as blank as possible is the least she can do to safeguard her frayed heart for now.
She remains like that for the rest of the journey back to Ohtori Academy, and back to the tower.
-
As always, comments and constructive criticism are both welcome and appreciated.
Title: A Tear for Lost Childhood
Fandom: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Characters: Utena, Akio
Rating: R (references to underage rape, angst, trauma, Akio being his own warning, episode 33 being its own warning)
Summary: Utena is woken up in the car on the journey back. Set at the end of episode 33.
-
Utena is woken up from her dreamless sleep in the car by a brush against her cheek.
Her eyes open almost involuntarily; she still feels exhausted. With heavy eyelids, she turns her face a little towards the direction she's been touched from, and sees Akio looking at her in the driver's seat.
Of course he's there.
He says something about the stars being beautiful tonight. Utena doesn't answer him, and she isn't sure if they're particularly beautiful tonight or not. She can't think too clearly right now. She doesn't want to think right now.
Raising a hand to hold back her windswept hair -- a semi-conscious gesture -- she blankly looks out her side of the car towards what horizon she can see in the pitch darkness of the night. The lights of Cosmo World twinkle in the distance -- like colourful stars, Utena vaguely supposes -- and the ferris wheel continues to slowly spin. It seemed so high when she'd been riding in it just hours ago, but now it already looks so much smaller, and it's gradually becoming smaller still.
I didn't expect that to happen. All I came for today was to deliver roses. What should have been a simple errand had become a date at the amusement park, then a stay at the hotel not too far from there, then-
She remembers Akio on top of her. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. She cuts her thoughts off there.
Her free hand tenses its grip on the purse on her lap, and an involuntary shiver runs through her as she presses her thighs together. She feels cold all of a sudden. She doesn't recall what was going through her mind when she picked out this dress for today, and she doesn't especially want to do so, either. It's not the sort of outfit she normally likes to wear at all, nor is it even like her at all, and it's much too short and light for the current conditions now that it isn't summer anymore.
She takes her hand away from her hair, and happens to brush it against her cheek -- the same cheek Akio touched a moment ago -- as she moves it to rest on her lap. It feels damp.
Was I crying in my sleep?
Utena can't even muster the energy to be confused. She knows it can't have been from a sad dream, because she hadn't been dreaming earlier. She instead supposes she must have been mourning something. Her parents? No, that's usually when she dreams of them. If not them, then-
She remembers Akio on top of her. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. She cuts her thoughts off there.
She's not looking at him now, but she feels him looking at her, as if he's watching her more than he's watching the road while driving. She shivers again. She really does feel cold in this dress.
The ferris wheel continues to get smaller and smaller in the distance. Utena doesn't think she'll ever go to Cosmo World again.
The lights of that wonderland blur for a moment, and she feels a tear -- another tear -- slide down her cheek. She feels vaguely as if she's leaving something behind that she can never have back again.
Utena is still tired, yet somehow she doesn't feel able to fall back asleep. Instead she sits silently in the passenger seat, not looking at anything in particular and not thinking about anything in particular. She's realised now that thinking too much -- thinking at all, it seems -- makes her remember things she'd rather not; keeping her mind as blank as possible is the least she can do to safeguard her frayed heart for now.
She remains like that for the rest of the journey back to Ohtori Academy, and back to the tower.
-
As always, comments and constructive criticism are both welcome and appreciated.