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flybycontactThis was written for Angstober 2024 using prompt 5, "Do Better".
Title: Must, Must, Must
Fandom: Fire Emblem Engage
Characters: Citrinne, with many mentions of Alcryst and Lapis and a brief mention of Morion; Citrinne&Alcryst familial/lord-retainer relationship
Rating: PG (brief mention of death and grief, Citrinne being hard on herself)
Summary: Citrinne puts pressure on herself to be stronger than she is. Set at some unspecified point after chapter 10.
-
Citrinne had to become stronger than she was. She knew she could never be satisfied with herself as Alcryst's retainer unless she was as strong as she could possibly be.
That was why she trained her body until all her muscles ached, trying to make up for her lack of physical strength. That was why she practised her magic well into the night and often into the next morning, making her spells strike faster, strike stronger, strike truer. Alcryst and Lapis had both noticed how hard she'd been pushing herself recently, despite her attempts to keep it a secret from them, and they'd both gotten so worried for her; something about that pained her, no matter how kind they were and how much they made sure she knew how much they appreciated her.
The fact she'd worried them, and the fact worrying them had affected her this way, surely meant she was still nowhere near as strong as she needed to be.
She had to be able to protect Alcryst as best as she could. Her dear cousin, practically a brother to her, was so kind and so much more talented than he was willing to give himself credit for, and he always recognised the best qualities of the people around him and ensured they got the praise and acknowledgement they deserved. Someone as wonderful as him had to be protected, and Citrinne knew she had the will to do that.
Even so, she wanted to have earned her place by his side as one of his retainers -- not to have simply had it handed to her on a golden platter simply because she was his cousin, simply because of her wealth and status and connection to Brodia's royal family. She also wanted to be proud to serve him alongside Lapis, who had earned her position through her own strength and effort despite coming from such humble origins -- origins far more humble than Citrinne had realised until so recently. As someone so much more fortunate in both senses of the term than so many other people, the last thing Citrinne wanted was to let her privilege make her even remotely complacent.
Her worst fear beyond that was of anything befalling Alcryst or anyone else she held dear because she wasn't strong enough. Even now, she was convinced that if only she'd been just a little stronger, if only anything she could've done could have made even the smallest difference for the better, then perhaps King Morion could still be alive and Alcryst and his brother -- her other cousin -- could have been spared the grief of losing him the way they did.
If she lost anyone else important to her -- Divine One forbid, if she lost Alcryst and she was to blame for it in even the smallest way, she knew she would never be able to forgive herself.
So she continued to train and practise at every opportunity she could get, relaxing her schedule just enough so as not to worry Alcryst or Lapis or anyone else, but still putting in as much effort as always. To protect the people and country she held dear, she could not afford to relax too much.
I must, must, must do better. For Alcryst's sake, for Brodia's sake, for everyone's sake.
-
As always, comments and constructive criticism are both welcome and appreciated.
Title: Must, Must, Must
Fandom: Fire Emblem Engage
Characters: Citrinne, with many mentions of Alcryst and Lapis and a brief mention of Morion; Citrinne&Alcryst familial/lord-retainer relationship
Rating: PG (brief mention of death and grief, Citrinne being hard on herself)
Summary: Citrinne puts pressure on herself to be stronger than she is. Set at some unspecified point after chapter 10.
-
Citrinne had to become stronger than she was. She knew she could never be satisfied with herself as Alcryst's retainer unless she was as strong as she could possibly be.
That was why she trained her body until all her muscles ached, trying to make up for her lack of physical strength. That was why she practised her magic well into the night and often into the next morning, making her spells strike faster, strike stronger, strike truer. Alcryst and Lapis had both noticed how hard she'd been pushing herself recently, despite her attempts to keep it a secret from them, and they'd both gotten so worried for her; something about that pained her, no matter how kind they were and how much they made sure she knew how much they appreciated her.
The fact she'd worried them, and the fact worrying them had affected her this way, surely meant she was still nowhere near as strong as she needed to be.
She had to be able to protect Alcryst as best as she could. Her dear cousin, practically a brother to her, was so kind and so much more talented than he was willing to give himself credit for, and he always recognised the best qualities of the people around him and ensured they got the praise and acknowledgement they deserved. Someone as wonderful as him had to be protected, and Citrinne knew she had the will to do that.
Even so, she wanted to have earned her place by his side as one of his retainers -- not to have simply had it handed to her on a golden platter simply because she was his cousin, simply because of her wealth and status and connection to Brodia's royal family. She also wanted to be proud to serve him alongside Lapis, who had earned her position through her own strength and effort despite coming from such humble origins -- origins far more humble than Citrinne had realised until so recently. As someone so much more fortunate in both senses of the term than so many other people, the last thing Citrinne wanted was to let her privilege make her even remotely complacent.
Her worst fear beyond that was of anything befalling Alcryst or anyone else she held dear because she wasn't strong enough. Even now, she was convinced that if only she'd been just a little stronger, if only anything she could've done could have made even the smallest difference for the better, then perhaps King Morion could still be alive and Alcryst and his brother -- her other cousin -- could have been spared the grief of losing him the way they did.
If she lost anyone else important to her -- Divine One forbid, if she lost Alcryst and she was to blame for it in even the smallest way, she knew she would never be able to forgive herself.
So she continued to train and practise at every opportunity she could get, relaxing her schedule just enough so as not to worry Alcryst or Lapis or anyone else, but still putting in as much effort as always. To protect the people and country she held dear, she could not afford to relax too much.
I must, must, must do better. For Alcryst's sake, for Brodia's sake, for everyone's sake.
-
As always, comments and constructive criticism are both welcome and appreciated.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-07 09:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-08 08:43 pm (UTC)